It’s 2016 and you’ve told yourself that this is the year you make love and your relationship a priority this year. That’s great news! Now comes the hard part; putting in the work. Whether you are single and looking for a committed relationship, in a relationship and want to head down the aisle, or married and want to bring the love back, the process is all the same. Listen up.
Determine what you really want. Think less of what you want your life to look like and more of how you want to feel. If I were to ask some what they want, most will describe the things that they want to see, touch, or have. In reality, you can boil all that down to the simplest form. Most people just to feel happy and fulfilled. Yeah, I know that sounds super corny and cliché, but it’s true. In the end, we all want to be happy with the quality of our lives with the people we love. Not just some of the time, all the time. Figure out the basics on what will allow you to feel the most fulfilled. Try doing an exercise where you imagine the perfect day. 24 hours where anything is possible. What would you do? Who would you do it with and why? Where would you be? Write it out if you have to. You would be surprised by how much “fluff” don’t make the cut.
Break it down to action items – So now that you have your big picture, let’s break it down into smaller action items. The idea here is to make sure that you don’t get overwhelmed with the enormity of the goal and chicken out because you don’t know what you’re doing or that think it’s unattainable. For example, if your goal is to be a committed relationship, break it down like this:
Step 1) Determine if/when I am ready to be in a committed relationship
Step 2) How much time can I realistically devote to the dating process?
Step 3) What are my relationship/partner requirements?
Step 4) What are my dating/relationship boundaries?
Step 5) How will I engage or introduce myself to a potential partner?
Step 6) What criteria do I use while dating to determine if he/she is the one?
Step 7) How do I gracefully disengage if doesn’t work out?
This is not an exhaustive list of steps, but it gives you an idea of the process you will need to go through to determine how to go from single to committed with purpose.
Give yourself a (realistic) timeline – The worst thing you can do is give yourself a drastic timeline. It is unrealistic to think that anything having to do with relationships can happen overnight. While you may be “turnt up” and ready to go, the person(s) you engage with may not be on the same page. Unfortunately, people cannot be controlled in that way. Remember that there may be ups and downs, and starts and stops, so give yourself the flexibility to make mistakes, learn lessons, and grow from them. Start out by setting short timelines with the easier tasks. Knock them out so that you build up your confidence (and stamina!) for the bigger tasks.
Get an accountability partner – Unless you’re the last man (or woman) standing, you can’t do everything on your own. Goals are so much easier to attain when you have someone holding you accountable to them. If you are already in a relationship, you have the perfect partner! Pick people you trust who know what you’re trying to achieve and ask them to be your support system. They will look out for you, be your cheerleader, a kick in the pants when needed, and/or your wing-person. You’ll find that it’s almost more fun when others get involved.
Do it and stick to it! – It’s great to have a plan, but unless you actually do the work, it’s just a plan. Don’t let fear of doing something strange or new keep you from making it happen. If you find that your desire to actually implement any of those great plans just isn’t there, ask yourself if this is really something you want. It may be a telltale sign that this may be something you think you SHOULD want, but isn’t truly important to you at this time. Only you can answer this, so don’t do looking elsewhere.
So that’s it! Your official kickstarter plan for 2016. Good luck and let me know how I can help you achieve your goals!