I spend a lot of time asking people what they are looking for in an ideal partner. I ask this question first because your response will let me know two things. First, where your priorities lie. The first couple of characteristics are always going to be the most important, similar to the ingredients on a shampoo bottle. What is listed first and second is always the active ingredients. The second is how ready you are to receiving what you want versus attempting to avoid what you don’t. Both ways can lead you to the same goal(s), however, the latter is a much longer road filled with a whole lot of unwanted pain, frustration, and work.
When someone starts out saying something like “I don’t like”, “I don’t want”, “I’m not attracted to”, “I don’t feel like I could”, it can seem very useful on the surface. You say to yourself, “Great! I know exactly who to avoid!”. This is considered having “Push energy”. You are literally “pushing” things away from you. Bad people, bad experiences, and bad relationships. Coming from a place of what you want to avoid allows you to course correct quickly, but it does not end. You find yourself always avoiding or pushing away from people and things and it gets exhausting. How many times have you counted the number of unwanted men that have approached you and declined? How positive can your dating and relationship experiences be when you are consistently engaged with what you don’t want?
When you embody a “Pull” energy, become a beacon for the type of person you DO want. How freeing would it feel to be a magnet for the type of men who you can see yourself with? In order to do this, eliminate the focus on what you don’t want. Don’t even allow yourself to think about it. Ask yourself what it is that would make you feel the happiest and most fulfilled. Not for your parents, your friends, or your children, but for yourself; the woman. Develop your ideal partner and relationship requirements based off of what you WANT TO FEEL. Create boundaries based off of what works for you instead of what doesn’t work for you (example – instead of saying “He can’t be a liar or a cheater”, say “He must display honesty and integrity on a consistent basis”). As your perspective starts to change TOWARDS your ideal man, you will find that the men you’ve been trying to stay AWAY from are no longer relevant. The less energy you give towards unproductive relationships; the more energy you have to identifying and engaging in the relationships you do want.
Perspective and mindset is everything, ladies. Do some diagnostics on the type of energy you are using in dating and relationships. Are you pushing or pulling?