Eli Simone Matchmaking and Coaching

Shopping for Perfection

[fusion_text]There is a difference between knowing who your ideal match is and wanting and looking for perfection. Your ideal match is someone who shares your same values as well as other characteristics that help build a connection and sustainable partnership. But what happens when that list of characteristics become unrealistic?

Let’s face it, nobody is perfect. Someone may have all the physical features you want in a partner, but they are an emotional wreck. Another will be someone who you share an amazing connection with, but they don’t want or even LIKE children. You may have even thought your best friend was a possibility…until you see how they treat their partners.

The point is, people fall short. We’re human. That’s what we’re supposed to do. As singles looking for a potential partner, the best way to set your standards is to figure out what your basics are and work your way to the top. This is not to say physical attraction and things you like are not important, but you have to ask yourself….how much does this matter when I think about the type of relationship I want to have?

Just like the food pyramid, we must think of our partner and relationship needs like a “Love Pyramid”. They are your No-Gos, your Must-Haves, and your Nice-To-Haves. Your No-Gos come first; what values and/or characteristics can you not POSSIBLY live without? Those are non-starters, end of the road, the fat lady sang, bought a t-shirt and went home. This can include religious affiliation, whether or not they want children, do they treat you and others with respect? Are they pleasant to be around? Most people gloss over this because the assumption is that EVERYONE has these values. I can assure you, that is not the case.

Once your No-Gos are covered, you go to your Must-Haves. These are the things that will make you HAPPY in a relationship, and may need to be negotiated and cultivated during the relationship. Are they affectionate or romantic? Do they dress well? Care about and ask how your friends and family are? Are they social, adventurous, spontaneous, love to laugh and play? things like that.

If they are hitting all the green lights so far, your Nice-To-Haves will include things that go over and beyond your wants and needs in a relationship. This can include physical features, body type preferences, financial status (over and above lifestyle necessities), etc.

Go ahead and start putting together your list, making sure that each item is tied to a value (ie – a certain income level = financial stability, working out 3x a week = health conscious, etc.) Put your list in the three buckets. Once you have your priorities, adhere to the order when dating or searching for a partner. This method will not only keep undesirables away, but also gives you a better chance of finding the love of your life![/fusion_text][youtube id=”SRURtl3CMVs” width=”600″ height=”350″ autoplay=”no” api_params=”” class=””]